Should You Talk About Your “Exes” With A Woman?
by Dean Cortez, creator of MackTactics.com
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Hi Dean,
I used the techniques in your incredible book to start flirting with this beautiful girl that works in my office building. Before learning the pickup secrets in Mack Tactics, I must have ridden the elevator and passed her in the hallway at least 50 times — but I had no idea what to say to her!
Well, using the Tactics, I was able to strike up a fun conversation, be the “confident, playful” guy that women respond to, and it was EASY to get her to meet me for lunch! You teach some very unique ways to ask girls out – and they actually work.
Fast-forward three weeks. We’re dating now. It’s going great, EXCEPT for one thing — she is still talking to her ex-boyfriend. The dude calls her all the time and wants her to give him another chance. I wish she would ignore him, but she won’t. She tells me that she feels sorry for him, and still cares about him, even though he totally screwed up their relationship. I’m a bit worried that he might screw up our relationship!
How can I get her to stop talking to him?
- Joseph, Chicago
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Dean Cortez here with some tips on how to shut down the “ex” that is creating a distraction…
First off, when she brings up the topic of her ex, never refer to him name. Refer to him as “that guy.” This diminishes his significance. Speaking his name out loud, when she’s talking to you about him, could set off memories and emotions.
If a girl starts telling me, “My ex-boyfriend Chris is a great guy, it just didn’t work out between us. I wish he’s stop calling me all the time, and find someone else…”
I’ll respond with something like, “Well, it sounds like that guy didn’t appreciate how special you are. It’s his loss.” Or, “Well, you’ve moved on to better things in your life, and I’m sure that guy will find another woman. But I know she won’t be as cool as you.”
And then, I’ll change the subject. I will never dwell on the topic of her ex-boyfriend, because it’s only going to make her feel agitated and emotional. My job, as a Mack, is to keep this woman in a positive, relaxed, fun state of mind.
While you never want to get into extended discussions with women about their ex-boyfriends—you want to keep things focused on the present, and on you and her—knowing the types of guys she’s dated in the past can provide valuable Intell. This is especially true when she dated a jerk, since you can now present yourself as the OPPOSITE of him.
There are three main categories of wack ex-boyfriends:
The Stalker. When they broke up, this guy couldn’t let go of her. When you’re trying to date a woman who had a stalker ex, it’s important for you to frame yourself as the opposite.” Be extra careful about saying or doing anything that show “clinginess.” Don’t accompany her everywhere. When you call her to talk, she should be the one who calls you the next time. If she calls you to invite you to hang out, don’t accept the invite every time. Tell her, “I think I’m going to stay in tonight and chill. You go out with your girlfriends and have fun. Have an awesome time. Call me tomorrow and let me know how it went.” Make it a habit to give her space and let her know you’ve got other things going on in your life—unlike the stalker, whose entire world revolved around her.
The Loser. He was broke, couldn’t hold a job, or simply had no ambitions or direction in life. You can be the opposite of her ex by talking about things, or goals in your life, that you are passionate about. Women want to hitch their cart to a guy who is ambitious and passionate. Her Loser ex can’t compete with a guy like you?
(Know, however, that even a Loser may have “Bad Boy” characteristics that make women desire them. You can click here for the full scoop on why women like bad boys, and I’ll show you how to integrate some of these qualities into your own game.)
The Commitaphobe. This dude wouldn’t make a full commitment to her. Maybe he dumped her at the altar; maybe he was never willing to be monogamous. With this type of girl, demonstrate how important commitment is to you. Use the word. Don’t say “I’d love to have my own business someday.” Say, “I’m very commited to launching my own business soon.” Don’t say, “I’m close with my family.” Say, “I’m really committed to my family. They always have my back when I need them, and I’m very loyal to them.” A guy who values commitment is a guy she can imagine being commited to her.
Also, no matter how much of a jackass her ex-boyfriend sounds like, refrain from making disaparaging comments about him. Remember, at one point in time she had serious feelings for him. Making a negative comment about him could make her feel offended. Instead, make him seem irrelevant and not even worth discussing. “It sounds like that guy didn’t appreciate all the great things I’m seeing in you.”
Then move the conversation onto a more pleasant topic. Keep things focused on the present and on future possibilities. “That guy” is irrelevant and doesn’t have a place in this conversation. He’s ancient history.
A final notes on exes: whenever the topic comes up, women are invariably going to ask you about YOUR romantic past and “what happened” between you and your ex. This is a minefield you do not want to stumble into. It doesn’t matter whether you broke up with your ex for good reasons, or if she broke up with you. However you try to explain it, you will probably lose points. If she was a nutcase, then it makes you look like you’ve got terrible taste in women. If she dumped you, it makes you look lame. And if you were the one who initiated the breakup, no matter what the reason, it makes you look cold and insensitive.
Just give a vague answer about your past relationship and reinforce in her mind that you’re both unattached now—and that the future is wide open. “We had a lot of good times together, but it just wasn’t meant to be. I think it’s a good thing that you and me are both single now.”
Now, move the conversation onto a fun topic that leaves the exes in the past—where they belong. My Mack Tactics book contains a huge chapter on “Conversation Control” that explains exactly how to transition onto other, more positive topics that will keep her in the right frame of mind.
Be sure to visit MackTactics.com and download your free copy of ”The S.W.A.T. Guide” (Secrets Weapons & Attraction Tactics). This 80-page book is free for a limited time, so get your copy while they’re still available.
Your Wingman,
Dean Cortez
MackTactics.com
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