Relationship Dating – The Need to be Real
There are a lot of arguments for dating. You can date for fun, for entertainment, for companionship, for sex, or like a large majority of the people out there, to find a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. This honorable and annoying labour of love is what we have decided to call relationship dating.
Although we separated dating into various categories based on our motivations, don’t be fooled, they can all really be traced back to finding fulfillment and meaning in our interactions with another human being. Below I will give you some examples of what I mean:
So let’s date for fun!?
Dating for fun…or sex…is a quest for significance and contentment. Yes, you read correctly, let me elaborate. Dating is full of frustration, tension, subliminal messages, attack and parry. For the mayority of people this does not sound like fun at all. There are some people out there though who find this “game” enthralling. For them it is synonymous with the X-Games! But… why is dating so thrilling for them? The answer is validation. It is the same reason people go bungi jumping and love horror movies.
In this validation people find fulfillment and meaning…but I digress…
For the rest of us that find dating akin to a proctologist appointment, and in the spirit of keeping things simple, here are some snippets of popular wisdom which should help us take a step back and see the big picture when we think: “What the hell am I doing?!”
Don’t pretend: Some people feel that the only way to find your significant other is to join the club scene, go bar hopping and overindulge on martinis. If living that life is not YOU, then why sign on? Unless you intend to discover people who do not have much in comon with you this appears to be a loosing proposition.
Do more of what you like, be more of what you are. Share yourself. If you like dancing, join a dance class, invite people in the group to practice outside of class, join them for dancing on a night out on the town.
The concepte here is to search for ways to make your sphere of experience wider and at the same time do stuff that you really like. At these times you will really be yourself, and you will be displaying all that you can be.
Look deep: Another thing that generally happens when dating is that we give the physical appearance of our dates incredibly high importance. There is no doubt that guys do this. Although it is less notable in women, it happens just the same.
Of course there must be some kind of chemistry for a relationship to work, but a lot of the time that initial gravitation is due to factors much more complex than just good looks. Like any other physical thing, good looks will fade.
People change, they could put on some weight, go bald, get flabby, loose their tan, just like you and me; they are real people in the day to day grind of life, not a polaroid picture. You want to search for other things that will have a bigger impact on the favorable outcome of a long term relationship.
Perfect is just a word: One way in which we sometimes sabotage our own efforts is by giving that little thing that bothers us about our potential mate so much importance, that we kill the whole endeavor. Nobody is perfect, we all get indigestion, we all get blackheads, we all suffer body odor when sweaty, we all get touchy on occasion. So…look at the big picture.
Be there: To use a very common sports analogy, to win the game you have to play. If you go directly from your office to your house to the sofa to watch the latest TV show and then to bed, only to go at it again the next morning you are NOT likely to meet someone…anyone!
Get yourself out there… take that last minute invitation, call that person you said you would call to get together three weeks ago…
Go ahead and DO! If you get it wrong, dont worry; just forget about it and get out there DOING again…
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